Thursday, June 22, 2006

Beauty in the unknown

Time and time again, I find myself trying to control my life, circumstances, environment and yet I feel devastated when the outcome is nothing less that what I expected. I am without a doubt, a "slow learn". This past week I found myself again frustrated because work related issues were not evolving as I had planned and hoped.

In the quiet space of my studio, I sat on the floor and cried out to Christ, "where are you in all of this, I need some support here and all I feel is that I am getting my butt kicked." During my pathetic complaining session with Christ, my cell rang. It was my friend Eric, just checking in. Eric is a successful builder, amongst many other things. I asked him, "Eric, while you were starting your company, did you ever feel alone, desperate, abandoned?" Eric laughed and said, "I did and often still do, but it is mostly when I am not trusting Christ."

What is most difficult to admit is that I am like everyone else, I want the guarantee, the sure deal. When times are tough, I am poor in spirit and weak in faith. Faith is about trusting that Christ will provide, perhaps not the way I visualize it, but He will provide. I suppose that is the beauty of my relationship with Christ, the unknown. While this can be all together scary, the unknown of how Christ will shape my life is the mystery I must embrace, trust and come to love.

Racing off to a meeting, I pray strength of spirit and deep faith for you, for all of us.


Monday, June 12, 2006

Public tears

The grey skies came back to Seattle this June. The Alaskan bound cruise ships have crowded the docks and we Seattle folk wait impatiently for our summer to arrive. I went to the gym today to run, listening to a compilation of artists who have recorded songs that gesture to faith, Christ and His promise of God's enduring love.

While running I listened intently to Bruce Springsteen's song "Jesus Was An Only Son" off his most recent effort Devil and Dust.
I can't think of a more beautiful song ever written that defined the precious yet tragic relationship between Mary and Jesus. While listening I reflected on the multitude of woman throughout our world who have lost their own children, prematurely. From Africa, to India, from the China Sea to the West Bank, from Tia Juana to Seattle this story that Mr. Springsteen wrote has played out in other forms, other ways, across our globe.

Contemplating this, I found myself in silent tears laying on a Yoga mat, pretending to stretch. A kind woman came by and asked if I was alright, I responded I was fine, just in reflective prayer. She smiled and said, "good, I need prayer as well to get through the day". What Grace she displayed, taking the time to ask and then to respond. A conversation opened, and answered with Love.